Pilot Expansion/Transcript
episode begins 78 and a half years in the future, Clarence, Jeff and Sumo discuss how they met Sumo: It was at Rough Raiders Chicken. That's where it happened. Jeff: First of all, it's Rough Riders, and, no, that's - not where it happened. Sumo: Nuh-uh! It's Raiders because you raid the box for chicken! Jeff: That doesn't make any sense. Sumo: Ah, what do you know, you old bat? Clarence: Fellas, there's no need to argue. I remember exactly where we met. I remember it like it was just 78 1/2 years ago. men take a fish tank Sumo: Ah, where are they going with my fish?! Clarence: Anyway, 78 1/2 years ago camera movement is shown and the pilot repeats bell rings Mrs. Bernstein: Well class, I'm sure you've noticed we have a new student with us today! Clarence, would you like to get up and say something about yourself? Clarence: Actually, could I do something else a little bit? Mrs. Bernstein: '''Um, yes, Clarence. '''Clarence: out invitations to class This one's for you, and this one's for you, and this one's for you, and this one's for you. to front of class So, if you wanna know more about me, or be my friend or something, then just come over to my house tonight for a sleepover at my house. We're gonna eat a lot of pizza poppers, we can watch "The Golden Girls" on my big TV, and then at midnight, we get to bust open The mystery piñata. So you're probably not gonna wanna miss it. Mrs. Bernstein: Oh, wow! Clarence, custom invitations! That is very considerate. Clarence: You get one too Mrs. Bernstein! Mrs. Bernstein: at invitation and blushes O-kay, Thank you, Clarence, this is very thoughtful of you. Clarence: teacher You're welcome. So if you wanna come over, just go to my house right after school, or you can come at dinner time, or you can just walk home with me. It's up to you. Belson: Hey, Clarence, do you play hacky sack? Clarence: Yeah, probably Belson: paper into ball and kicks it at Clarence BOOOO! laughter Clarence: awkardly pops a ballon Mary: What do you mean no one's coming over? I thought you were having a sleepover. Did you hand out all of your invitations? Clarence: Yeah, but they didn't like them. Mary: Ooh, HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! AHH! sighs Well, who's gonna eat all these pizza poppers? Clarence: for a few seconds ''Me. '''Mary:' Well I'm going to a Tubberware party at Denise's house tonight, and I'm not gonna be back till late... If anyone does come over, make sure you clean up after yourselves, all right? Clarence: Okay. Mary: over to Clarence ''Hey, if no one shows up, i'll help you eat all these when I get back. How's that sound? And, hey, we'll get to bust open your mystery piñata, huh? '''Clarence:' gasps Mystery... Mary: YOW! Clarence: chuckles Mary: Chad's in my room if you need anything. Bye, sweetie, love you! door on way out Clarence: Bye. rings Hello? Jeff: Hi, Clarence. This is Jeff from Lincoln Elementary School. I'm calling to RSVP for your sleepover extravaganza. Clarence: Jeff Absolutely! Come on over whenever you want, buddy! I got a lot of pizza poppers! Jeff: All right. Sounds good. I'll be there around five o'clock. Clarence: Okay, bye, love you! phone back Jeff: on door footsteps and Clarence sticks his head out of a dog door Clarence: COME ON IN, JEFF! Jeff: scream Clarence: What, you never seen a secret entrance before? Hold on, I gotta unlock the door. trilling unlocks footsteps Clarence: Welcome to party paradise! Let me show you around. We could play in my tree fort... or crawl around in my secret tunnel... or break all this wood with a hammer... or play Whack-A-Gopher... or wait till this guy lays an egg... or get blown around by this thing... or break all this wood with a hammer... or eat all these pizza poppers really fast! What do you want to do first? Jeff: Uh, n-none of it? Clarence: Oh... then what do you want to do? Game Show Host: This great lake is known for having the most water. Jeff: What is Lake Superior? Clarence: Oh, what is uhh, um.. River... Superior? Game Show Host: Brian? Brian: What is Lake Superior? ding Game Show Host: Correct! Jeff: Yes, one more for me. Clarence: Where do you even learn these things? ring Clarence: gasp I'll get it! door Hello. Are you here for the sleepover? Sumo: Cut my hair? Clarence: chuckles All right. whirring and Clarence chuckle tree fort basket snaps Sumo and Clarence: Who-o-a! breaks UGH... then both continue laughing Game Show Host: Correct! Jeff: far distance Yes! Sumo: Uhh, how come that kid doesn't want to play with us? Clarence: Oh Jeff doesn't like to have fun. Sumo: Well let's show him how! nod their heads rock music plays while Clarence dresses up as a punk and Sumo puts black marker under his eyes. Sumo and Clarence: and walking to Jeff while punk music plays Jeff: TV off and claps hands Sumo and Clarence: Come on, get up, come on, dance with us, get up, come on Jeff: No, no Sumo: Oh, come on. Jeff: Don't touch my hands, your hands are filthy, they're full of dirt. opens a bottle of spray, shakes it, and sprays it on hand. stops Chad: Hey, who killed the jams? I love that song. music runs to the fridge and gets a gallon of milk and goes sit on the couch and drinks it Chad: Don't stop rockin' on my account. turns TV on Game Show Host: This Italian treat is made by frying the skin of a pig by it's own fat. Jeff: What is ciccioli? Game Show Host: Brian? Brian: What is ciccioli? Game Show Host: ding Correct! spits milk to Clarence's room Clarence: I guess rock 'n' roll isn't for everyone. Sumo: Let's try a... different uh... Clarence: Different approach... throws book with a string near Jeff Jeff: gasp Master level sudoku puzzel book?! squeals tries to catch the puzzle book and goes into Clarence room, when he goes in his room Clarence closses the door and frightens Jeff Clarence: Hey buddy, we're making prank calls. You want to join us? Okay, this one's for you. Ready? Go. reads what Sumo is holding up Jeff: Oh, um... is your refrigerator running? and Clarence both chuckle Phone: Police department. What's your emergency? Jeff: You called the cops?! Sumo: Uh-oh. Jeff: embarrassed Hi, sorry, this is kinda embarrassing, but me and my friends were just doing some, uhh, pranks. Clarence and Sumo: Don't say that, don't say that, don't say that, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't! and Sumo push Jeff and Clarence speaks to the cops on the phone. Clarence: Ugh, no, no, everything's fine. There was a burglar, but, um... we broke his legs. Phone: I'll send an ambulance. Clarence: Oh, no. You don't need to send an ambulance because... because uhh... pushes Clarence away, take the phone, and continues his sentence Sumo: Because he caught on fire, ran away, he's gone. Don't send anybody up silence Clarence: Do you think that worked? chimming Clarence: gasps zooms into Clarence face Clarence: Mystery piñata time! camera movement is show and we see Jeff in Clarence's room Jeff: Piñata? Oh, not for me. Thank you. Clarence: What?! Why not? Sumo: What are you talking about?! Piñatas are awesome! Jeff: I suppose it's because I've never tried it. Clarence: Well, Jeff, my friend, today's the day you become a man. A piñata man. [laughs] the Piñata song is played -Yeah, yeah, you gotta hit the piñata -Under the blindfold, eyes won't peep -Do it right, tie it tight, don't cheat -Now spin around, head pinned to the ground by the bat, that's the action, making a sound like -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, get dizzy -Stand back, lift bat, get busy -With a little flick of the wrist, give it a swish -Don't miss try to hit it into little bits and pieces -To release the sweetest candy or otherwise, some other surprise it can be -Anything the piñata master fancies -A risky mystery, but take the chance, please -Hit the piñata! hit the piñata! sa-sawing batta -Hit the piñata -Yeah, yeah, you gotta hit the piñata -Hit the thing harder! hit the piñata! -Made out of paper break the shape of a donkey -You won't be seeing it later -'Cause once you attack it make the bat smack it -Maybe you'll smash it into smithereens so streams of sweet treats careen to the carpet the tricky task is to swing a stick in the darkness -But try your hardest and tense your back -Until you strike the target and make it crack -Hit the piñata! hit the piñata! sa-sawing batta -Hit the piñata -Yeah, yeah, you gotta hit the piñata -Hit the thing harder! hit the piñata! creaks camera movement is shown hangs a piñata on top of Jeff. Sumo chuckles while Jeff spins. Clarence: chuckles You guys are gonna crack up when you see what's inside this thing. Alright, Jeff. You're dizzy enough. Jeff: spinning and starts quivering piñata moves down slowly, while Jeff walks around trying to find it. Clarence and Sumo laugh. When Jeff finds the piñata he chuckles and gives it a good hit and then Sumo starts hearing something inside it. Sumo: thinking Wait a minute. What's that sound? Could it be...? flashback starts Clarence: Do you want some honey in your tea, Sumo? You're gonna bee very suprised when you see what's inside my mystery piñata. Hold on, I got to change out of my bee suit. flashback ends lets go of the rope Sumo:'' to Jeff Nooo! ''whacks the piñata Clarence: And the mystery is... removes his blindfold and bees come out of the piñata. Clarence: yelling Bees! and Sumo scream Belson: Aw, man! That does look like fun. wails and tires screech and police officer slams into door and frightens Chad Police Officer: Nobody move! We got a call about a robbery, fiery homicide. Chad: confused Uh, I don't know. Jeff, and Sumo run's down the stairs and outside buzz on Chad and on the Police Officer and Firefighter. Police Officer: Hey, don't come on- stay over, over! sprays water on the bees to the living room Jeff, and Sumo are not wearing their shirts and are barefeet. They are eating ice cream on the couch. Clarence: I'm sorry I got you guys stung. I just really wanted you guys to have fun. Jeff: I had fun. Sumo: ice cream Oh yeah, this is the best sleepover ever. Clarence: Oh, cool. on couch and drops ice cream Ow! of pilot Clarence: '''And that's how we became best friends whirring and decided to spend the rest of our lives together. '''Sumo: I don't remember any of that. Jeff: Yeah, me neither. Clarence: It was a long time ago, duh. whirring Your memory banks are probably just fuzzy. Larry: Uh, fuzzy. Mm. Clarence: I'm gonna go for a jog. whirring Jetsons" music playing whirs Plop! Jetsons" music continues plop! walks on the treadmill but gets stuck 'Clarence: '''Jeff, get me off this crazy thing! ''of episode Category:Transcripts